The wrong side of war

This thing that we have, that some might call a relationship,
feels more like an arrangement that has exhausted its benefit.
It has hidden my purpose and exploited my lack.
to the point that spirit and body seem no longer intact.
All I know is this agony, I cannot find peace…
Though I try to overcome all I find is defeat.
When I knew it was over, I still fought to stay,
ignoring the warnings, thinking it might go away.
I thought this is the way, this is how it should be,
so I pressed and I pressed to pursue victory.
Changing each day to be the best I can be,
yet this same barren wasteland is all that I see.
Where’s the fruit of my labor, my spoils of war?
After all these years, what have I fought for?
Each day with no casualties I count a success.
yet it’s followed by slaughter, by famine and death.
Some fight for freedom, and some fight for love,
but I’m left empty handed, with not to speak of.
How does this happen, how can this be in vain?
For what have a lived in this life of such pain?
I thought if I pressed I would finally see light…
then I realized the reason I’m losing this fight.
why I’m so alone, although you were right there,
why I felt such resistance in this civil warfare…
I have fought all alone all this time now I see
when I thought you were there… it was just me…
your mouth spoke alliance, but your actions an axis
infiltration from within left me good target practice
Looking back it makes sense, how’d I miss this before?
All along you’ve been fighting on the wrong side of war…

- dedicated to anyone who is in or has been in a relationship where they were the only ones that really wanted it for the right reasons... I wasn't even going to post this, but I just had a feeling that somebody out there might can use this one? LOL my poems as of late got me lookin a lil soft, imma have to thug it up on the next one, lol... much luv Family, Jah bless!

(remember - love is a 2 way street - and - it takes 2 to make a thang go right - props to anybody who can name that tune.)

Unanswered

Am I an outcast? Am I a fluke to humanity…
Or is Humanity a fluke to me?

I am not sure…

Is this world really as corrupt as my mind sees it?
Or is what I see being corrupted by my mind?

I am not sure…

Is it the wickedness of the man locked away in prison,
or the wickedness of the prison that has locked away the man?

I am not sure…

Not sure if it is the fact that the system may have flaws,
or if it is just that the flaw is the system itself?

I am not sure…

I am not sure if it is the officer that is here to serve and protect,
or if he is just here to protect a service?

I am not sure…

These questions remain unanswered.

About high time

It’s about high time…

I tell you… If this come out right… this might be the realest thang I ever wrote
cuz all these emotions are going to spill out when they find somewhere to go.
cuz I done held them in so I can cope with this reality…
This re occurring battery, assaulting me to be a casualty.
a statistic, another number on their psychological census…
cuz messin around with these cards I’m dealt, I could lose it any minute.
but I found ways to suppress my pain, my own thorazine that’s kept me sane.
I lock it all up in my dungeon and hope it all just goes away…

yet it always finds me on a later day…

That’s when I press back harder, with all my will and might,
convincing myself somehow that there’s a truth up in a lie.
telling myself whatever it needs to get it by, just enough so I can function
even if that means I’m embracing a lie… see I’ve been living in disfunction
trading the lie in for the truth willfully knowing that it’s wrong,
then trying to forget it right back to my fantasy zone…
back where everything’s peachy and everything’s clean
Like the matrix, I just been living life off in a dream
walking asleep, bring death to my own perception,
cuz it’s so much easier just giving in and believing this deception…

But where does it go? All that filth and pain that’s locked away
it decides to come back all at once on one unforgiving day…
well my day is today, so I am forced to re evaluate,
the way that I been dealing with thangs, just don’t seem like it’s the way
cuz im stuck holding all this pain, all this regret and disrespect,
all this disappointment, all this hurt, these lies and this neglect.
It’s like a thousand mountains being dropped across my chest
and now I feel this tension getting stronger with each breath.
and it puts me at this crossroads, there’s really two thangs I can do…
I can choose to suppress all this mess again, or I can listen to the truth.
cuz you can want a thang so bad, that you can make it what it aint,
you can make yourself thank your capable of doin thangs you can’t.
but right about now, me… Im sick and tired of this parade…
It’s about high time that I said “no” to this comforting charade.
It’s about high time that I did what I been needing to do…
it’s about high time left this lie and hooked up with the truth.

- Fiyah

Inspired by what it is, and this little thought I had...
"Sometimes it is easier to convince yourself that a lie is the truth, but it always catches up with you in the end..."

Rediscover

Your smile once brought light to the darkest of days,
yet it’s been long ago since your smile went away.
Such a beauty and a treasure, such a joy to behold…
That it pierces the flesh and cuts straight to the soul.
Since its been gone this whole world just seems cold,
without the warmth of your smile, life can no longer grow.
If only your sun could shine again on my face,
bringing some sort of comfort, and peace in this place.
One smile was enough to absorb all the pain,
maybe that’s why your smile has alas went away…
Beneath a sea of tears, and the twists of a maze,
how could I take advantage of the gift that you gave.
Though you try to force past it, it’s just not the same,
leaving me all alone here to cope with this pain…
Through this labyrinth I search for the source of my zen,
On a quest to rediscover your smile once again.

When my heart doesnt know

Dedicated to Breanna Walls

Stuck at a crossroads…contradicting thoughts warring for possession of my mind.
while I am left to find this missing revelation between space and time.
a revelation of the end of each path… as uncertainties bind me like steel straps
Imprisoned by my fear of the unknown, by my future and my past…
Oppressed by what if, by how will, and what is,
but mostly by the ignorance of not knowing how to live…
Not knowing how to embrace the fear of finding out what comes next
with each breath I’m forced to face this question burning deep inside my chest…

It’s like a troubled water, my mind is taken to and fro
if only I knew the answer, and knew the way that I should go
If only I could live without the fear of my own decisions,
If only I could break free from this psychological prison…
to be free… to be me… and live each day reservation free,
If only I could turn on the light without the fear of what I might see.
Because I’m stuck here at this crossroads, not knowing what to do,
so I must trust my faith, my will, my heart, to come and guide me through.

Skytzophrenic

How is it that one day we cool, then the next day we aint???
One day you love me and the next day you hate???
It blow my mind how a summagun can just be walking along…
then out of nowhere get hit with a megablast from the unknown…
whole equilibrium get thrown out of wack, from a surprise attack
coming from the place he least expects, from who he thank got his back…
yesterday you couldn’t be without me, now you want me to go,
you got my whole mental so twisted, I just no longer know????
who I am, why I’m here… these the questions I face…
when I don’t know which face I’ll be seeing each day.
I give you the benefit cuz I know something aint right???
trying to fight past your mindsets and show you some light…
and it’s throwed cuz when you with me, you know you was trippin…
but then all of a sudden I’M the reason that your life aint worth livin???
the source of all the stress that you feelin, all the dirt in your life…
If you can move me out the way, then you’ll be free from all strife.

Woman is you crazy???do you even hear what’s commin’ out your mouth???
Sometimes I wish you would just twist up a fat one so you could chill out…
All I do try to bring you joy through all the bitterness you taste
but you keep spittin all the love I give right back in my face…
so now we both some dysfunctional summaguns, cuz I’m still here
most cats woulda bounced way back a many of years…
they say its insaine to do the same thangs and expect it to change
I just be hopin this time you got it, and we can get on with thangs…
cuz I know I aint perfect, I gotta long list of dung
but how we ever gonna move forward if we stay on square one???
I can’t be this fantasy man girl this here the real world…
wake up be a woman, stop actin like a lil girl…
you gonna face some type of drama everyday of your life
but it’s how you react that’s gonna make it wrong or make it all right…
so pop you a couple Prozac, do something with yourself
cuz this skitzophrenic nonsense bout to have you all by yourself…

I’m just sayin…

- The Parallel Dimension of Love - (subliminal propaganda)

The Earth has not seen such a beauty as yours
Like open waters given to her rocky shores
Like the sweet melody that birds sing to me
Her Voice sweeter than fruit fresh from the tree

Her eyes sparkle and gleam like a twlight sky
GOD has sculpted her form with an artful eye
her smile has given me an idea of His artistry
and shown favor on me with this gift He’s imparted me

His masterpiece is healing for my soul
her beauty and my love with each moment grow
being next to her is like lying in Eden’s meadows
deep within her embrace brings death to my sorrows

Every peace of my heart is now captivated
and every emotion of mine has been elevated
but I am not to resist, love’s apprehension
I’ll savor each moment in this parallel dimension