I am not my scars

I know you see my pains reflection, through the window of my eye,
every let down misconception, every hurt, every lie.
I try to cover up, yet my nakedness still shows,
you see me, in my truest form, I am vulnerable and exposed.
Sometimes the phantom of my past appears, though I try to forget, 
even when I hide it in the darkness, I still see its silhouette.
So why do I regret…? These events are the fabric of who I’ve come to be
Every instance like a fiber woven in my life’s tapestry.
I can only look back for wisdom, I must let this be my strength
But even I have yet to discover the true extent of its length.
I have only gone so deep, on the surface it hurts so much
When I feel my ugliness visible, I just want to cover up.
But these memories, the pain from my past, and what I see…
This is only an illusion, not the definition of me.
I am not my downfalls, and I am not my mistakes,
Yet when they look at me, this is all they seem to take.
But look at ME, look into my soul…
Look at who I really am, not the scars that clearly show.
I have to remind myself who I am every day,
Because everyone and everything tries to lead my mind astray.
They want me to believe I am who they see me to be…
They try to show me what I’ve overcome as if it’s still me.
Will I live up to be the conceptions as they have made
Or will I make my own path, let the past lie where it may
See, I am not my scars, my scars are just the proof
That I have healed from my afflictions, and I have made it through.
-Fiyah 

When a warrior's heart speaks

What my heart speaks, my pen’s ink leaks…

Sometimes, it’s my only outlet to release

Sometimes the words get lost to mouth from mind,

Yet they always find there way between blue lines.

I can’t count how many times, I was at the edge of death,

Thinking to myself that I have no strength left.

Yet somehow, past the forced smile’s pretending,

A warrior rose from the depths that were unknown within me.

A depth beyond infinity, a supernatural force,

Put strength back in my body to complete my course.

So now I stand here at the brink once again…

But I’ve been here before, I can make it, I can win.

Even when it seems the whole world’s back is to me…

Can’t nobody do me… I just gotta do ME.

Now this strength is rushing through me, I have learned to survive,

Through these hard times and trials, I can’t let it break my stride.

So my pen bleeds truth on this blank page once again,

as a warrior’s rage within diminishes the non-sense.

I hold my head high – no matter what I will survive,

And if I can I’ll use these trials to touch someone else’s life.

If I’m a martyr let it be… As long as I die free…

Free from the pain and the shame that once was me

See, this is how I breathe – carbon dioxide get’s released

When my pen’s ink leaks, you hear a warrior’s heart speak

- Fiyah

When the laughter fades

When the laughter fades, how will I lift my face?

My children not here with me, as I’m wasting in this place.

The thought of not seeing there smiling faces every day,

Eats away at any hope I have to get me through the day.

My joy, my heart, my everything, for them I’d give my life.

But instead it’s now owned by the state, in what way is this right?

Who will see them off to school? Who will help them with there work?

Who will pick them up and dust them off when they fall and they get hurt?

Who will be there to protect them? Who will hold them when they’re scared?

Who will teach them all about this world and make sure they’re prepared?

Who will take my son to practice, walk my daughter down the isle,

And how can I keep pressing… if I cannot see there smile?

That brings me to this outcome, all the pain’s helped me to see,

The truth is that I need them so much more than they need me…

This is why my laughter fades.

The American dream

 

The American dream

Driven by ambition with a lack of decisions

Half pre-calculated intentions, another half by conditions

No real role models, street blocks become fathers

Teaching young men how to make it in a world with no offers

Job rate decreases, while the crime rate increases

Already marked for life with strikes that won’t free us

Does anybody see us, besides the boys in blue blazers

Try to take us from freedom to captivity and cages

That’s why the rage is swelling up in their faces

Trying to break free from a cycle that has bound them from ages

From daddy to daddy’s daddy it’s all a web of confusion

selling pollution as a solution to this life that alludes us

can’t see anything to fix it, looks like money’s the only ticket

with dreams of trading these rusty chain links in for white pickets

Isn’t this the same dreams they have on the other side of the tracks?

using the resources given so they can achieve that…

The American dream, it’s almost like we’re chasing a ghost

When most I know who pursued are left with stripes on their clothes.

I guess it aint called a dream for nothing…

The American dream

What is this life?

 

What is this life that I’m living, cuz it appears to be a breath in the wind

A single drop in the ocean, or a lone voice in an entire sea of people

I see lives lost, and many without any regard of life’s value

The waves tossed to and fro, just as spontaneous as the wind blows

Here today, gone tomorrow… its only worth, the people I know

The souls that I touch , those that I reach, to teach what I’ve learned

And those that Ive turned, through the exposed glimpse of my experience

I let go of all pretense, all reservations I lay to the side rely on patience…

To bring me to the revalations that allude the multitudes, and let it be my salvation

an escape from the fate that I create through all my own mistakes

Like every breath that I take, it comes naturally… without any thought or motion

Without any calculations or planning… it just comes

Like oxygen that saturates my lungs and spreads nourishment throughout my veins

To reach the outermost fringes… and brings a face to my existence

An image that I recognize, a truth that never lies…

Beheld in my eyes lies a reflection of me

I am but a drop in the sea, a vapor in the wind

What is this life, this life that I am living in… but a tool

An extention of the very hand of God, a conduit to bring what’s said in dark to light

And allow my life to be a light…

what is this life?

He looks to you for love…

 

You see him standing outside through the shades of your window.

Mind blown of how fast he’s grown, as you wonder where’d the years go?

It seems like just yesterday you were holding him for the very first time,

You couldn’t stop looking at him, couldn’t get him off your mind.

Through diaper changes and scraped knees, you were there with no regret,

Giving him unconditionally every bit of love that you posses.

it’s amazing how much he can look like a man he’s never even known,

That, maybe your only regret, but you hold your head up and be strong.

I know the road can be long, and the journey can be testing

But there’s a little boy who needs you there, so thus must keep pressing.

For so many things he looks to you, who else can give what you can

The things you’ve learned through hurt and pain, will help him be a man

Among so many things you give to him there’s one that stands above

More powerful than life itself, he looks to you for love…

Elevation….

Elevation….

To take my spirit beyond the atmosphere of struggle:

This is what you give to me.

A beacon of hope in the darkness of my despair:

This is what you send to me.

Even in the deepest murk and mire, where many give in and expire,

You find me there wanton, you lift me up and you take me higher… Renew desire…

Passion and luster that have rubbed off from the reaching snares of life

Restored to a brilliant exhibition of what resides on the inside

In the core… in the deepest of deeps beyond what no one can see,

You show me, me. Set me free and unveiled what has been hidden by life’s misery.

See situations can cover it up… make me forget what once burned deep inside me

But this gift that you have given me, it gives me life and reminds me.

Quickens this limp and lifeless nature of mine and lets me shine

Heals the afflictions of both my body and mind

Like a nurturing mother you pour into me and allow me to breathe,

See this is what you give to me…

Fierceness and the courage of a lion standing up inside of me

As I climb from the pit of my circumstance, this breath you have breathed in my life

See this is what you send to me…

Elevation…

Just one of those days

I guess this is what they call… “just one of those days”

But this day seems to be an endless corridor of time and space

This day has spilled over into weeks, weeks into years

Uncertainty has metamorphasized to pain, and pain to tears

This day has become my sentence, this moment is my cell

My own thoughts the prosecution, condemning me to hell

As the evidence unfolds, incriminating and concise

I am forced to look back at every wrong throughout my life

As the accusations pile up, hope seems nowhere in sight

It feels as if I am losing all control of my own life

But just before the judge can unleash his wrath of fury

I realize that in my life, “I” am my own jury

-Fiyah

REAL Recognize REAL (a playa’s memoir)

 

If you think D-O-G spells M-A-N, than this might set you free
After all, Man is made in the image of the creator of all things
A “REAL” man can find the diamond locked inside of any girl
but only you can choose to set her free, after all, this is your world
You may be thinking to yourself right now, that I’m just full of game
look baby, I done played like Kobe, only I done got more rangs
but when a boy becomes a man, he sees the error in his ways
so if you still findin’ roody-poo’s, then your standards gotta raise
The difference between a boy and man aint got a thang to do with age
but what he’s chosen to accept, and what he’s learned along the way
It’s a gang of “REAL” men out there, among all the so and so’s
Just slow it down a bit, be patient… when you meet one you gone know
your heart won’t be his trophy, it will be more like his home
You aint gonna hear all the I’s no more your needs will come before his own
He gone brang something to the table, to make you a better you
encouragement, inspiration, bottom line he’ll be the truth.
It’s not his job, how deep his pocket goes, but if he got ambition
sometimes status can’t compare to drive when it’s accompanied with vision
Sometimes he may not have the chiseled abs or look like an Adonis
But sincerity’s his strong suite, he’s compassionate and honest
He gonna defend you with his very life, and give it if he must
He’ll be driven by his “love” for you, not only driven by his “lust”
His mission won’t be getting in your draws, but getting in your heart
Learning how you think and how you work, but here’s where YOU should start:

What are you really looking for? Take a look inside of you,
a soul-mate or an ATM, a real love a screw?

I know that might be blunt, but we gotta get down to the root
Cuz once we get past all the B.S. we gone find out what’s the truth

Are you displaying who you really are, or just the obvious details?
you a fool thinkin you gone get respect if you don’t respect yourself…

Don’t get it twisted, I aint tryin to preach, Im just trying to help you see
From a man who went from hunting freaks to searching for a queen

If you really want this “REAL” man, you gone have to take this pill
Cuz at the end of the day it come down to this: REAL… recognize REAL

“And This Makes Life New”

 

I have given you all but my very last breath,
and now - I feel as I have nothing left.
I guess this explains this empty shell;
Like a hallow vessel, or a dried up well.
I can never get back all the years that I’ve lost,
Like a tear in the sea of eternity tossed.
like a breath in the winter wind, never to return
All that I am left with is what I have learned.

And this makes life new…

You may have taken my heart, but my spirit remains.
You cannot break me, I have rose from the pain.
I have emerged from the ashes, and now I stand.
Though I can never turn back time, I now understand
You have given me the worse that life can give,
at times I tasted death, but now I live.
It’s the darkness that allows me to appreciate light.
it’s the blindness that helps me to understand sight.

And this makes life new…

I stand here a person who has endured the worse
who has lost so much and has felt so cursed
but I embrace this metamorphosis of my mind
it now feels as if the universe has aligned,
for through this pain I have found true love,
though not from the source I expected it of.
It has came from within and embraced my soul,
I had to be broken so I could be made whole.

And this makes life new…

follow

Darkness and confusion fill this empty cavity…
Oppressed by my reality… an existential gravity.
Darkness engulfs my understanding completely.
Bound by confusion, although I war discretely.
The Truth… I don’t know what tomorrow may bring?
I feel as a child, lost in a forest of dreams.
This uncertainty seems to haunt me, as a phantom,
as a short glimmer of light fleeting my understanding.
How shall I find my way, there must be something there to guide me…
Can I trust this inner voice, or these feelings locked inside me?
Because my vision is so blurry I don’t know where it ends or starts,
I guess my only choice is to close my eyes and trust my heart.

This is my revelation… I will make mistakes.
The right path to fallow’s not the one I always take.
sometimes my choices are not always the best,
but you live and you learn, so I must complete the test.
But the beauty lies in the same uncertainty that I feared
because even in the darkness lightness always appears.
So what should I fear, what “is”, is what it “is”
Why should I let my unknown determine how I live?
I must live… I must close my eyes and embrace the mystery.
I can’t change my past at all, but I must write my futures history.
No one sees the future, but hope will be my guide
So I will let go of my fear and follow the love inside.
-Fiyah
-Dedicated to Tyson-

Bluebird

Gazing out through the window, I am entranced by what I see,
A tiny little bluebird, it’s as if he sings to me.
captivated by the melody, it offers me retreat.
for a moment I feel as if the ground has left my feet.
he seems so free, so able to do what gives him pleasure,
He then spreads his wing and takes flight to a height that’s unmeasured.
on a whim, on the very thought of soaring high,
he soon disappeared from the range of my eyes.
I missed his song, but he left me with peace,
as I layed down and closed my eyes, remembering “free”.
He reminded me of the feeling, as I soaked it all in,
replaying the picture of him soaring over and over again.
in this cell, that is a feeling that I grope after daily
and this little bird has given me this moment, this small bird has saved me.
then I realized how ironic all this must be,

Mirrors

My own reflection, dim, hazed, and obscure.
Although I remember my appearance, inside I am not sure.
am I really what I recall? Or has my own vision been clouded?
I think I know who I am, but a part of me doubts it.

Is what I see in my mind, the true description of me?
or has it been intertwined with the view that others see?
Am I deceived? Misled by my own perception
by walls that I’ve erected to cover up what’s not perfected

The truth… It remains foreign, I see a stranger staring through
these broken mirrors that surround me showing me a distorted view.
the questions and accusations began to rise inside my mind.
Invariably I’m evolving, adapting to each moment in time.

I’m a different man today, from the days preceding this
Tomorrow will require me to adjust even farther, bringing newness
esotericism, causing me to start back from the source of the question
Who am I really?” am I certain, or merely guessing?

I’ve done so many things I thought that I would never do,
been through so many things I never thought that I’d go through
my own identity is becoming a demurral, a stranger to myself.
I realize the answer won’t come solely from myself.

I must look into the heavens, seek understanding from my lack
and be open and accepting to whatever may come back.
I must learn to look at the realness, no matter how defiled it is
how misshapen or ugly, I must face it for what it is.

I see myself in the way that others feel when they leave my presence
not the words that some may say, for the perceptions based on ignorance
ones mouth can tell a lie, but consistent actions tell the truth
the impact I make on others lives will give me un biased proof

This is who I am…

The Sickness

The Sickness

Babylon rise while all the real soldiers die
I wonder how many more will have to pay for your lie?
You gotta cure for everything but what’s the cost for your science?
war treaties overseas but no domestic alliance
Crack pusher’s in the senate, movin weight everyday
but it’s ok cuz it’s approved by the FDA
these corporate serial killers are sellin death to the world
while cats behind bars hidin cause they smoke a lil herb?
we talkin 85 percent now baby them some real numbers
but what’s the true agenda really, you just can’t help but wonder?
cuz you restrict what you can’t tax and take what you can’t have
you hide the cure and imitate the truth in your own lab
But yet there’s more diseases than it’s ever been before
New viruses discovered and they’re all weapons of war
This world’s deteriorating much quicker than we can fix it
So somebody please tell me, what is the cure for the sickness?

One of the longest running wars resides right here in our shores
Masses dying off daily but yet these lives get ignored
only America… most glamorous third world zone
Less than a mile from the white house is project homes.
while gang warfare lurks beyond rodeo drive
all of these whitewashed streets meet those outlining lost lives
Don’t get me wrong, I love this land and I praise God that I’m free…
But yet Im sickened by these hypocrites that’s lying to me.
Lying to you, lie to the world, with this visage they display
while everyday entire populations dying from aids
induced diseases we contracting just from drinking the water
with every breath inhaling toxins we’re embracing the slaughter
if you not part of the circle looks like your marked for death
and they’ll keep goin till the day that they the last ones left
crack didn’t come from the hood, and aids aint come from no monkey
but we keep takin what they feed us like some media junkies

Money’s the root of all evil so it’s no question the drive
The land we live on stolen from a race that’s near genocide
Private corporations taken over most of our prisons
while 100 thousand plus die every year from prescriptions
I know it’s all about riches, it’s been like that from the jump
but if you work like the mob you might as well be upfront
instead you hide behind your masks and say your better than me
I never understood how it could cost so much to be free?
Look at your genealogy and all you cats is related
traced back to ancient kings, you never had to struggle to make it.
so now your ego’s got you thinkin your supreme to the masses
entire senate jam packed with the descendants of masters
and we just bastards, with our hands out lookin for help
you call it “welfare” so many trapped in this mental cell
we’re prisoners confined inside a jail we can’t even see
so what’s the cure for this sickness and for this global disease?

Captivated

Could it be the shimmer of your eyes or the curve of your lips?
Could it be the silkiness of your skin, or your healing finger tips?
Maybe it’s the way that your hair brushes across your cheeks
flows down your neck and around your shoulders like satin sheets
Could it be the feeling of your soft lips when they press to mine?
or the way the smallest touch can send a shiver down my spine?
Could it be the sweetness of your voice when your speaking my name
or the driving force behind the words you say that makes me feel this way

I am captivated…

Is it when you smile, the way the corners of your lips curl around?
How you rub your tongue across your teeth and bite your lip when I’m around?
Is it how you’re so strong, yet so shy, so secure but so in need…
I’m hypnotized, what is it about you that captivates me?
I am in love with every freckle, with the aroma of your smell
I can’t point it to one thing because it’s every little detail
You are the song in my heart, my thoughts are consumed by you
not just your beauty, but every little thing you do

It’s your walk…

It’s your talk…

It’s your smile…

It’s your style…

I am captivated…

Revelation

What am I gonna write about now? Honestly, I don’t even know .
I just feel this need to grab this pen and pad and let it flow.
It’s like there’s something deep inside me, that has something to say
So I’m just gonna inhale…. Then exhale to translate…
This language is so foreign, I feel I alone can comprehend,
but yet I feel a purpose, a liberation from within.
They say your best stuff comes when your’e just coming out the fire,
if that’s the case, I should be about the world’s best writer.
cuz I done been from hell and back, then back to hell again,
I may not have a lot, but I’ve stacked up experience.
that’s something that nain nother man can take away from me,
but the thowed off thang is all that pain and bondage set me free.
see, I done seen some thangs, if I said it wrong, yall might lock me up.
it’s like Ive stepped into the twighlight zone, and then it got me up.
It’s like my whole life, I been sound asleep, thinkin I’m awake,
but then that revelation hit me turned my whole truth to fake.
my fake to true, my don’ts to do’s, man it done blowed my mind.
it aint no way that I could just sit back and keep this all inside.
it’s changed my life… or at least I have a whole new insight…
cuz I don’t see anything I look at in the same old light
so I’ll be back, Im bout to go get me some education
Oh yea, I forgot to name this poem… Let’s call it revelation

The Answering Machine

The answering machine…

Aye look here lil’ momma, don’t get nervous when I approach,
that smile caught me from the other side, I just had see you up close.
I mean no disrespect; I know you must hear this all day long…
It’s just your beauty captivated me; I had to see what’s going on.
So what’s your name? Oh yea, you know your voice is just sublime,
well my name’s fiyah baby, I’d like to take you out sometime.
Id, love to get to know you, see what you all about
Let me get your number, so I can hit you up no doubt
Well look I gotta run, but I’ll be callin you real soon
Cant wait to hear that voice again, yea you have a good day too…

Aye whats hapnin baby, Yea I met you at mall…
My name is fiyah, oh you remember? You been waitin on my call.
well I been anxious too, you seemed like a really deep lil lady
like you had a lot to talk about, so what’s been hapnin lately?
So what you like to do for fun, what’s your plans, where you from?
Have you ever? Would you, did you, have you ever been in love?
It’s gettin late, it’s 3am, I better let you go…
we both got work, but after that, I’d love to talk some more?

It’s been 3 weeks, and honestly, it feels more like 3 years
I long to hear your voice each day, explore your inner tiers
I know that you’ve been hurt before, you told me bout them dudes
but honestly baby, I’d never do a thang to go hurt you
you deserve much more than what you’ve got, and that I’d like to give…
matter fact I’d like to take new steps in our relationship…
the tensions there I feel it, I can see it in your eyes
but my desire’s to touch you, my desire’s to be inside…
I dream about you every night, my minds on you all day…
cant wait to give you all of me, in such a special way.
Im glad you feel the way I do, we gotta make this right
so how about the Hilton, meet me there tomorrow night…

IT was everything I dreamed of, I now feel so brand new,
this night we shared so beautiful, giving me this part of you…
I hope this keeps on going, can’t wait to see what happens next,
you’ve given me new purpose, this is so much more than sex.
I gotta go but please be safe, and call when you get home…

Ring… Ring… Ring…
Im sorry, leave a message, cuz I can’t come to the phone…

I recognized his soul...

Staring into the eyes of another man, I'm trying to hear his history
yet through his silence and reclusive nature, his life remains mystery

This stranger's soul is so familiar, yet I don't know his face.
He seems so innocent, so tell me... why is he here in this place???

I know myself... I know I deserve to be caged up like an animal in chains
this place is my salvation, from causing others pain.

I've been a thief, I've been a fighter, I've been a hustler, I've been a lair,

I've been a cheater, and a deceiver, so me I deserve to die here...

but what about him?

Looking into his eyes, I can find no sign of a man
who deserves this six by nine dungeon to complete his life's span

I only see love, compassion, and wisdom, his eyes are so kind
If I could only hear his story, I know it's so different from mine...

I am in my youth, but he is farther in age...
his face has began to wrinkle, his hair has started to gray.

He appears to be a man who has learned so much from life.
I wish that I could learn from him, and hear his advice.

Maybe then I could offer a positive contribution for life,

but then again, why would it matter, were in here till we die.

So my friend, I guess I will try to get through to you tomorrow,
lights are out in 2 minutes, so I will just lay here in my sorrow.
Though I hardly know this man at all, I really hate to go...
I may not know the face in this mirror, but I recognize his soul.

ATW

How long will I pay for the mistakes in my past?

How long will I be enslaved by this sentence you've passed?
We've moved on, and you've said that I was forgiven...
yet I'm constantly reminded of the past and re live it.
If you can't let it go, then why have you held on to me?
I feel as if I am a slave to the past for all eternity...
we would both be better off if you had just let me go,
but now I am in debt to you with my very own soul...
I know I caused pain, but what about my scars?
I mean, since we're digging up bones, let's go dig in your yard.
But why put those burdens on you, you've served your time...
yet still I'm being imprisoned, forever serving mine.
You gave me 25 to life, all I gave was my heart...
yet like a ravenous beast you just tear it apart.
Why cant we let it go, and just start over new?
Although I wear the chains, the opression's on you
So tell me, how many years do I really have left?
Or will I pay for my dirt till the day of my death?
Behind prison walls, there's only so much I can be
so wait to hear “ATW”, the day I'm set free

Between Minds

Between minds

I have come to understand that two people can never really agree...
although we may find a common resolution, we each see what we see.
Does it always have to be my way versus your way, your opinion and mine?
Or is there really a common ground? Or a determining line?
It's really not about who's wrong and who's right,

because there is darkness in both perceptions, as well there is light.

So why do we fight?

Why do we work so hard at imposing our point of view on each other?

Can we not just agree that the way we see certain things differ from one another?
So much stress, so much drama... and all of this for what?

At the end of the day our minds are still made up.
I'm not talking about whats moral versus not, but simply our point of view...

There is more than one way to see the truth and it still be the truth.

So why do we feud?

Why can't my perception meet yours and make a more rounded conclusion?
Why do we insist on partaking in the turmoil and the confusion?
Why not add my interpretation to yours and see what we get?
Who knows? It may complete the way that we each interprate.
The way we think always changes and develops in time
so why not embrace now the wisdom that lies between minds?

Between yours, and mine...

Distress

She's been with me from the beginning, right by my side.

keeping me safe she taught me how to survive.

Through the consistant heartbreaks and acts of distrust,

she helped me to swallow the bitter taste of disgust.

Brick by brick we built these walls to keep me protectd
but now I stand improsoned in these walls we've erected

My heart no longer on my sleeve, but locked deep inside

this cold, damp, and solitary, dungeon of my mind.

All that's left is the stories of what used to be.
A dim reflection of the image that once was me.
I hid away any trace of emotion or care

eventually forgetting that a soul was still there.

hiding behind this steel mask, until I forgot who I was

letting go of my concience and capacity to love.

surpressing anything that could make me seem weak.
While practicing my mug making sure I don't blink

But now in this mirror, I see scars from that life.
The blood stains on my name from the felony strikes
I only did what I knew, what it took to survive
but now im left with the baggage of an alternate life
how do I express emotions when I always showed none?
how do I learn how to love when I had no one?
It's like I'm being reborn, and Im starting from scratch,
so forgive me when my trust and my emotion may lack.
She's all I've ever had, how do I let her go,
from then until now she's still all that I know.

But now, I am letting go...

I am putting down my guard inspite of my fears,

releasing the love I've held back all these years
I long to know love for all it can be,
to love someone who I know loves me,
I guess I'm just not as strong I put on to be
awaiting a damsel to come set me free...

My Masterpiece

What I see... is a blank canvas of white linens,

longing for the opportunity to become a beautiful work of art.

You have brought me your pallet,

it is filled with fragrant tones of lilac and honey,

vibrant pinks, and deep rich chocolates.

I start by creating the ambiance...

one that is conducive for creative flow.

The flickering from the nearby candle-light
adds a warm and dancing glow.
The slow and melodic sound of a sultry ballad
whispers out from my radio.

I sprinkle an undertone of rich rose petals across our canvas.

and light an inscence...

one that compliments the sweet soft smell of of your perfume.
The glossy pink shade of your lips entices me...

mixed with the bright ivory of your teeth, and warm caramel of your cheeks.
The browns in your eyes are like poetry, telling me a story without saying a word.

I am captivated, and my creativity begins to race...

I try to find a place of stability, as this work of art can go so many ways...
my senses have all been raised, so I'm compelled to taste...

your candy coated lips provide just the inspiration I need,

I can now see the completed masterpiece, now, I have to but bring it to life.

I will take pride in this manifestation, take my time,

and pour my heart and soul into every detail of this creative process.
I start by outlining every curve of your body with my fingertips
creating the framework for what is about to be,
inhaling your sweet scent sets my mind free...

Now every stroke of my brush adds a new layer of texture
new colors, never before seen, never explored until now.

Our imagination begins to spill out through our pores.

Fantasy is transferred from our minds to our hands

intertwined in an artistic embrace between woman and man.

The sound of your breath adds yet another layer to my vision,
as beads of moisture on your neck in the candlelight glisten.
The quivering of your lips and the pulsing of your thighs

let me know that this creation is almost in perfect completion...

this harmony between colors and textures, scents and sounds
like a symphony created before our very eyes, we watch

as it unfolds and comes to full fruition.

And then it is finished...

I take a step back to admire the beauty of this creation...

your sleeping body, laid across the white linen and red petals

the candlelight dancing across your moist body.

Your jet black hair draped across the pillow in perfect placement
I have never seen such artistry, such beauty in my life...

so after tonight, I have no choice but to try and recreate this again,
and again, and again, and again....

you are my masterpiece..

I wish you would have seen me there...

This Piece is dedicated to Tracy, a wonderful poetress who was drowned by the torrid waters of life. This is also dedicated anyone who has lost someone to suicide... and inteded for anyone who may be considering suicide... please remember that there is always someone there.... Love you much!

I wish you could have seen me, when you cried those final tears,
wish I was there beside you – there to help you face your fears.
If only you’d have called to me, in your moment of despair,
If only you could see me when you thought nobody cared.
I wish you could have thought of me, and those who’s hearts you hold,
but now that place is void of you, it is empty and it’s cold…
I wish I would have seen the signs, I wish I would have knew,
I would have been there with encouragement, to help you make it through.
I would have shared with you my triumphs, my struggles, and defeats,
and tell you how I made it through when everything was bleak.
Maybe you would still be here, if only you had saw,
that someone’s there to hold your hand and help you through it all.
but all that’s left are memories, and the chance to make aware…
to anyone that feels alone, just look and see me there.
I am your friend, your father, and your brother,
your neighbor, your husband, your child, and your mother…
I am the person that you never even had the chance to meet,
that by your tale of triumph, helped me back to my feet.
So when it seems there’s no one, you must look beyond the blue,
and you will see that I am here, standing next to you.

Catching wild horses

Catching wild horses
Ok son, today I am going to teach you how to catch wild horses.
I have found the perfect place to keep them.
We want to start by placing some feed out in the open to bring them in.
It will take a while, but they will get used to coming, so be patient.
After a few weeks, we will put up a fence on the South end.
They might find this fence a little strange at first,
but this free grain will help them get over their fear quickly.
In a couple more weeks, we will add another fence on the west end.
Don’t worry son, their skittishness will ware off quickly.
Next we will put up a fence on the east end…
and in a couple more weeks, we will put up a gated fence to the north.
Being closed in will more than likely make them really nervous,
so we will have to give them some better feed so they will come on in.
Once the whole heard is inside, we slam the gate shut, and the horses will be ours.
At first, they are going to be a bit ornery, they are not used to being trapped.
Don’t worry though, eventually, they will get used to it.
As their natural instincts to find their own food wears off,
they will become calmer, and we can start training them.
Once we can get in there and brand them, they will belong to us…
So you ready to get started?

“Yes Pa”

Ok, go on into the barn and get me a bag of feed…
Bring me one of the ones that say “welfare” on it.

- Fiyah

The Angel with the broken wing

I saw her there… like a desperate child who had lost her way
The pain inside shown clearly through her eyes, there was no hiding her shame.
A series of broken hearted endeavors, left her fragile and afraid.
She felt that all her love had gone, she’d given it all away.
She gave and gave with no return, and this had left her scorn,
with so much pain her burden made her curse when she’d been born.
How could someone take her love, and abuse her precious gift?
They left her empty with no clue of the treasure they had missed.
I wondered could I change her mind, or even if I should try?
For one more heartbreak could be enough to surely break her stride.
Could I heal the wounds of past, as I so desired to do?
Or would I be the next to leave her heart broken and abused?
Such a delicate situation, that I dared not move in haste.
Her desire for trust, but lack of strength was showing on her face.
she wondered if she had the will, to try and trust again…
so consumed by loneliness, she willed to just pretend.
I picked her up and brushed her off, I stared her in her eyes…
her delicate nature forced my truth, to her I could not lie.
I feared the future, despised the past, but surrendered to my now.
I thought I knew not how to love, but she had taught me how.
She showed me my true self, not the man that I thought I was.
she gave to me a newness, gave to me the gift of love…
It’s funny how I tried to save this angel from hurt’s sting,
when alI along I was the one, with the broken wing….

Now LOVE has made me whole

One more step…

One more step…

If I could just move forward… just one more step…
This is all that it will take to set me free.
Free from this standstill that now tries to enslave me
and all that it is going to take is… one, more, step.

I must push from my mind the thousand steps before this
I must forget about the aching of my feet and the cramping in my legs
I must ignore my hunger, my thirst…
and focus now on this one last step…

I can feel my flesh beginning to meld with the gravel beneath my feet
Roots forming, all mobility beginning to settle,
It feels so good, This complacency welcomes me…
I am wrapped in its inviting embrace, but wait…

This is not my end, I have not reached that which I have dreamed of
I have not became that which I have sought after…
will the thousand steps be laid to waste and made vain for the comfort of this moment?
or will I go just one more step…

I close my eyes… I put all my energy into moving forward
roots begin to snap, dust is removed from my complacency
my foot comes down in a thunderous triumph as I achieve…
one more step…

If I could just move forward… just one more step…

The wrong side of war

This thing that we have, that some might call a relationship,
feels more like an arrangement that has exhausted its benefit.
It has hidden my purpose and exploited my lack.
to the point that spirit and body seem no longer intact.
All I know is this agony, I cannot find peace…
Though I try to overcome all I find is defeat.
When I knew it was over, I still fought to stay,
ignoring the warnings, thinking it might go away.
I thought this is the way, this is how it should be,
so I pressed and I pressed to pursue victory.
Changing each day to be the best I can be,
yet this same barren wasteland is all that I see.
Where’s the fruit of my labor, my spoils of war?
After all these years, what have I fought for?
Each day with no casualties I count a success.
yet it’s followed by slaughter, by famine and death.
Some fight for freedom, and some fight for love,
but I’m left empty handed, with not to speak of.
How does this happen, how can this be in vain?
For what have a lived in this life of such pain?
I thought if I pressed I would finally see light…
then I realized the reason I’m losing this fight.
why I’m so alone, although you were right there,
why I felt such resistance in this civil warfare…
I have fought all alone all this time now I see
when I thought you were there… it was just me…
your mouth spoke alliance, but your actions an axis
infiltration from within left me good target practice
Looking back it makes sense, how’d I miss this before?
All along you’ve been fighting on the wrong side of war…

- dedicated to anyone who is in or has been in a relationship where they were the only ones that really wanted it for the right reasons... I wasn't even going to post this, but I just had a feeling that somebody out there might can use this one? LOL my poems as of late got me lookin a lil soft, imma have to thug it up on the next one, lol... much luv Family, Jah bless!

(remember - love is a 2 way street - and - it takes 2 to make a thang go right - props to anybody who can name that tune.)

Unanswered

Am I an outcast? Am I a fluke to humanity…
Or is Humanity a fluke to me?

I am not sure…

Is this world really as corrupt as my mind sees it?
Or is what I see being corrupted by my mind?

I am not sure…

Is it the wickedness of the man locked away in prison,
or the wickedness of the prison that has locked away the man?

I am not sure…

Not sure if it is the fact that the system may have flaws,
or if it is just that the flaw is the system itself?

I am not sure…

I am not sure if it is the officer that is here to serve and protect,
or if he is just here to protect a service?

I am not sure…

These questions remain unanswered.

About high time

It’s about high time…

I tell you… If this come out right… this might be the realest thang I ever wrote
cuz all these emotions are going to spill out when they find somewhere to go.
cuz I done held them in so I can cope with this reality…
This re occurring battery, assaulting me to be a casualty.
a statistic, another number on their psychological census…
cuz messin around with these cards I’m dealt, I could lose it any minute.
but I found ways to suppress my pain, my own thorazine that’s kept me sane.
I lock it all up in my dungeon and hope it all just goes away…

yet it always finds me on a later day…

That’s when I press back harder, with all my will and might,
convincing myself somehow that there’s a truth up in a lie.
telling myself whatever it needs to get it by, just enough so I can function
even if that means I’m embracing a lie… see I’ve been living in disfunction
trading the lie in for the truth willfully knowing that it’s wrong,
then trying to forget it right back to my fantasy zone…
back where everything’s peachy and everything’s clean
Like the matrix, I just been living life off in a dream
walking asleep, bring death to my own perception,
cuz it’s so much easier just giving in and believing this deception…

But where does it go? All that filth and pain that’s locked away
it decides to come back all at once on one unforgiving day…
well my day is today, so I am forced to re evaluate,
the way that I been dealing with thangs, just don’t seem like it’s the way
cuz im stuck holding all this pain, all this regret and disrespect,
all this disappointment, all this hurt, these lies and this neglect.
It’s like a thousand mountains being dropped across my chest
and now I feel this tension getting stronger with each breath.
and it puts me at this crossroads, there’s really two thangs I can do…
I can choose to suppress all this mess again, or I can listen to the truth.
cuz you can want a thang so bad, that you can make it what it aint,
you can make yourself thank your capable of doin thangs you can’t.
but right about now, me… Im sick and tired of this parade…
It’s about high time that I said “no” to this comforting charade.
It’s about high time that I did what I been needing to do…
it’s about high time left this lie and hooked up with the truth.

- Fiyah

Inspired by what it is, and this little thought I had...
"Sometimes it is easier to convince yourself that a lie is the truth, but it always catches up with you in the end..."

Rediscover

Your smile once brought light to the darkest of days,
yet it’s been long ago since your smile went away.
Such a beauty and a treasure, such a joy to behold…
That it pierces the flesh and cuts straight to the soul.
Since its been gone this whole world just seems cold,
without the warmth of your smile, life can no longer grow.
If only your sun could shine again on my face,
bringing some sort of comfort, and peace in this place.
One smile was enough to absorb all the pain,
maybe that’s why your smile has alas went away…
Beneath a sea of tears, and the twists of a maze,
how could I take advantage of the gift that you gave.
Though you try to force past it, it’s just not the same,
leaving me all alone here to cope with this pain…
Through this labyrinth I search for the source of my zen,
On a quest to rediscover your smile once again.

When my heart doesnt know

Dedicated to Breanna Walls

Stuck at a crossroads…contradicting thoughts warring for possession of my mind.
while I am left to find this missing revelation between space and time.
a revelation of the end of each path… as uncertainties bind me like steel straps
Imprisoned by my fear of the unknown, by my future and my past…
Oppressed by what if, by how will, and what is,
but mostly by the ignorance of not knowing how to live…
Not knowing how to embrace the fear of finding out what comes next
with each breath I’m forced to face this question burning deep inside my chest…

It’s like a troubled water, my mind is taken to and fro
if only I knew the answer, and knew the way that I should go
If only I could live without the fear of my own decisions,
If only I could break free from this psychological prison…
to be free… to be me… and live each day reservation free,
If only I could turn on the light without the fear of what I might see.
Because I’m stuck here at this crossroads, not knowing what to do,
so I must trust my faith, my will, my heart, to come and guide me through.

Skytzophrenic

How is it that one day we cool, then the next day we aint???
One day you love me and the next day you hate???
It blow my mind how a summagun can just be walking along…
then out of nowhere get hit with a megablast from the unknown…
whole equilibrium get thrown out of wack, from a surprise attack
coming from the place he least expects, from who he thank got his back…
yesterday you couldn’t be without me, now you want me to go,
you got my whole mental so twisted, I just no longer know????
who I am, why I’m here… these the questions I face…
when I don’t know which face I’ll be seeing each day.
I give you the benefit cuz I know something aint right???
trying to fight past your mindsets and show you some light…
and it’s throwed cuz when you with me, you know you was trippin…
but then all of a sudden I’M the reason that your life aint worth livin???
the source of all the stress that you feelin, all the dirt in your life…
If you can move me out the way, then you’ll be free from all strife.

Woman is you crazy???do you even hear what’s commin’ out your mouth???
Sometimes I wish you would just twist up a fat one so you could chill out…
All I do try to bring you joy through all the bitterness you taste
but you keep spittin all the love I give right back in my face…
so now we both some dysfunctional summaguns, cuz I’m still here
most cats woulda bounced way back a many of years…
they say its insaine to do the same thangs and expect it to change
I just be hopin this time you got it, and we can get on with thangs…
cuz I know I aint perfect, I gotta long list of dung
but how we ever gonna move forward if we stay on square one???
I can’t be this fantasy man girl this here the real world…
wake up be a woman, stop actin like a lil girl…
you gonna face some type of drama everyday of your life
but it’s how you react that’s gonna make it wrong or make it all right…
so pop you a couple Prozac, do something with yourself
cuz this skitzophrenic nonsense bout to have you all by yourself…

I’m just sayin…

- The Parallel Dimension of Love - (subliminal propaganda)

The Earth has not seen such a beauty as yours
Like open waters given to her rocky shores
Like the sweet melody that birds sing to me
Her Voice sweeter than fruit fresh from the tree

Her eyes sparkle and gleam like a twlight sky
GOD has sculpted her form with an artful eye
her smile has given me an idea of His artistry
and shown favor on me with this gift He’s imparted me

His masterpiece is healing for my soul
her beauty and my love with each moment grow
being next to her is like lying in Eden’s meadows
deep within her embrace brings death to my sorrows

Every peace of my heart is now captivated
and every emotion of mine has been elevated
but I am not to resist, love’s apprehension
I’ll savor each moment in this parallel dimension

The Door

I’ve been standing here… for what it seems an eternity,
knocking and knocking while this loneliness burns in me.
I wonder is anyone here? Or do they just chose to ignore,
or at least acknowledge that I’m here at this door.
I sit at the steps and question, maybe they couldn’t hear,
they could be in the shower not knowing I’m here…

I look out to the street just to give it more time,
watching the people as they’re passing me by.
How could this world be so crowded and I feel so alone,
with all of these faces I feel so unknown.
wishing that someone would stop to “hi”
or at least, if I could just catch someone’s eye.

I am desperate for acknowledgement, just to know I’m alive
but no one even glances as they keep passing by.
in my frustration I stand and knock more than before
making sure that they hear me out here at this door
I pound and I pound, but to no avail yet,
turning back to the street I am filled with regret…

I have been here so long that the streets are now empty
a reflection of the person that is crying within me
darkness has fallen and I stand here alone
not even sure if I can find my way home
Life has passed me be while I stood at these steps
my loneliness mocks me with the sound of my breath

Breathing…

Then my eyes open up to an alternate scene,
I realize in this moment, it was only a dream.
Though the feelings may linger, I’ve stood in my mind,
I WILL NOT stand around and let life pass me by.
I will live, I will love, no longer wait at this door…

I will get up and go get what life has in store

Look at me

Look at me…

Let me get lost in the depth of your eyes…
let me admire the masterful genius of GOD.

In all of my days, and all that I’ve seen,
never have I seen such beauty…

I’ve watched the waves of the sea crash against rocky shores
as the setting sun’s warm hues dance a ballet over them.

I’ve seen lush green meadows peppered with blossoms
from spring’s gift of colorful enchantment.

Waterfalls rhythmically cascading through mountains
surrounded by nature’s most prized illustrations.

I’ve looked down on the earth from beyond the clouds,
and I’ve seen rainbows peer through the mist of blue falls

Even the sea from atop a cliff as sunlight casts her reflection
across the surface like a billion sparkling diamonds

and beneath the surface, as tiny inhabitants swim about ,
clothed in colors of an artist’s pallet against a backdrop of purest blue

From golden leaves swaying in an autumn breeze,
to a starry night where a moons glow illuminates a frost covered ground.

I have seen landscapes that stop your very breath
yes, I have seen many of the wonders that this world has to offer

But none of this, my love, can even come close…
to rival the beauty before me in this very moment.

Look at me… Let me explore the details of your making,
for the very curve of your lips holds more beauty than the hills.

Your cheeks make snow covered mountains appear as ruin,
and your eyes hold more beauty than the sea in all its glory.

The form of your body lay to waste any thing I have seen in nature
and your soul reflects the very image of GOD himself…

Look at me… and let me get lost in your beauty yet again.

Cant help but wonder...

I can’t help but wonder, would you mind if I stay?
Would you mind if I told you all I have to say?
How I’ve longed for your touch, to be here face to face,
how, if I could, I would never leave your warm embrace.
For your skin against mine is like petals from a rose,
one touch sends a shiver from my head to my toes.
Your lips dripping nectar as a soft ripened peach,
Just a moment with you makes my pain obsolete.
The softness of your body, like bathing in silk,
your sweetness like rivers of honey and milk.
With each breath I take in I inhale your sweet scent,
and I’m closer to heaven with each moment spent.
If you had any idea what was now on my mind,
with such passion I can’t find the words to describe.
So how can I express, what I’m feeling inside,
without being consumed by this fire that abides?
For you I would give all the Love I posses,
cross oceans and journey for years without rest.
But yet I must keep all these feelings contained,
try to hold back the passion and suppress the flames.
I can’t help but wonder if you see through my lies,
if you see the truth when you look in my eyes.
Each moment gets harder to keep it confined,
but I must, for the reality that you are not mine…

Do you feel what I feel? I just can’t help but wonder,
if you hide your own truth for you belong to another.

The last tear...

Tonight I am going to cry…

I am going to let my pain and my sorrows manifest themselves into salty drops of redemption…
they shall purchase my liberation and my freedom from this weight that has until this point…

Crushed my very spirit.

I am going to cry… I will spill these tears like alcohol from a bottle as a respect for the dead
I will allow this flowing stream to rush through my mind and purify me of my oppression.

My transgressions, my imperfections…

Everything that has made me not good enough for whatever it is that I need to be
I release it into this rushing rapid of despair to be washed away into a sea of forgetfulness.

Tonight I am going to forgive…

As this precious nectar of my soul escapes the orifice of my eye…
it introduces a new chapter of my existence, I shall therefore never forget…

The last tear…

The 33rd Floor

I wonder what it must look like, looking down from on high
from the pinnacle of supremacy, through your all seeing eye…
Unknowing sheep thrive to contribute to your supply,
weather dead or alive, we’re still giving our life.
Paid in full from our birth we’ve been stamped with your worth,
as a commodity, an addition to your ever growing girth.
Nothing more than a numerological face to a curse
inherited at birth, and passed down at the hurse…

I wonder what it must be like, to see with no light,
while the masses are blinded you see through the night.
with secrets to wisdom endowed with your right,
all laws and opinions are made with your might.
not money, in your world, this does not exist
only power, for money is truly worthless
just a tender, with nothing to prove it exists
just a word saying unum, e pluribis

One coming from many, and many make one
but how does it feel being born of the sun?
How does it feel knowing all of life’s truths,
while everyone else, only knows your lie’s truths?
Fabricating reality, and man’s own mentality
I wonder how it must feel to emrace immortality?
to pass over as an angel, smiting all who oppose
and to feel no remorse, or to have any woes…

I wonder how it must look from the 33^rd floor
looking down on myself… not even knowing what I am living for…